It’s been a while. Too long, actually. This self-imposed, I don’t know what to write so I won’t, hiatus hasn’t been good for me. Not in this area anyway. See, I’ve been waiting. Waiting for inspiration, then when inspiration comes I avoid it. For fear mostly. Fear of not being good, right, happy, thankful, optimistic…enough. Not enough. The thing is though that I know- I know- that this is something that He has given me to do. He hasn’t asked me to be brilliant or to be profound or famous, He’s only asked me to write. How can I obey in every area except this one?
He is patient and for that I am truly thankful.
So…now I write. I’m through trying to write the things that I think will bring the most people to see you. I’m done looking for approval. That is an unending abyss of unhappiness for me. The last several years have made me stronger but also quieter. But not a quietness that’s helpful. It’s been a quietness of fear. Fear that I don’t know enough, that I don’t make points well enough, fear of what others think of me, fear of transparency…just fear, of everything.
I’m done being afraid. Afraid of what could happen, afraid that the bottom will fall out again and I’ll be left a sobbing, heaving mess. I’m leaving that behind. No more fear of the boogie man around the corner. No more fear of what I’m not. I am who I am and that is enough.
Because I am who He made me to be.
I highly recommend that you watch this. A dear friend sent a link for this to me and in typical Amy fashion I didn’t watch it. I was at her house last night though and she made me watch it. Thankfully I have people in my life that aren’t afraid to make me do things I don’t want to do. I’d wanted, needed, prayed for God to speak to me yesterday, and He did, through this spoken word. It’s powerful and insightful and I imagine will be helpful to many of you. Ann Voskamp brings this word as someone who has truly experienced the depths of fear and loss and has come out of the abyss victorious. Be blessed.