Isaiah 26:3, Psalm 34:14
Last week was a rough one. It started with appointment after appointment, homeschool is in full-swing, our Life Group joined with a second Life Group at our house for a special series our church is doing and ended with me having insomnia and a sobbing meltdown. You’ve had those weeks too, right?
After talking with Travis for a while he suggested that I visit my parents. Their house is only 3 hours away and I jumped at the chance for a change of scenery and the chance to spend time with my mom and dad. Travis thought it would be a chance for me to clear my head and get some clarity. It’s good for me to listen to my husband because he’s very often right.
Talking with my parents was part of what I needed and Saturday morning as I checked the verse of the day on my Bible app I gained some perspective on my lack of peace…
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you”. Isaiah 26:3
I suddenly realized that the hurricane that was going on inside my head, the stuff that kept me from sleeping and from paying full attention to what the people around me were saying was because I wasn’t keeping my mind on God. My mind was on circumstances and situations as I tried to figure them all out. I was not at peace then but I knew that I would be. I also knew that I was going to have to fight for it.
“Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it”. Psalm 34:14
The message that my parent’s pastor preached on Sunday helped to break through the storm of confusion in my mind. He talked about our purpose and how there are many things that we do in our lives that lead us to the big, true purpose in our lives.
I realized that I was struggling, once again, with my purpose. Homeschooling my kids has changed a lot this year. Instead of me leading teaching on most subjects, we’ve switched to a completely computerized program. The girls do all of their reading, assignments, quizzes and tests on the computer which grades them automatically. I suddenly had very little to do on that front outside of helping them when the computer froze up or dropped the wifi signal. And since they’re both doing some sort of Algebra, math duties have been handed off to Travis because he taught middle school Algebra and Geometry when we lived in Florida. The girls immediately loved the new program. That should have been a huge relief for me but since I need structure it left a huge gap that quickly turned me into a confused mess.
Here’s the thing, I have a type A, need to conquer & accomplish things type of personality and doing the laundry just doesn’t float my boat. Although, I’m 100% certain that laundry doesn’t float most people’s boats. But last night, when I prayed for clarity my current purpose became crystal clear. It hadn’t changed from when the Lord made a way for me to stay home and raise my kids nearly 12 years ago. The confusion came in because I didn’t want to continue doing what God had already called me to do. But when I repented for not wanting to do what I was supposed to do, peace came. I also recognize that this is a season. This season will end (and I will cry because my kids will be grown up) and I will once again be able to conquer something other than homeschool and laundry. Until that day I will be faithful with what I’ve been given to do.
This past weekend I pursued peace and I found it- it was right where I left it. If you find yourself in a state of confusion and turmoil go back to the last place that you were peaceful. I bet you’ll find it too.